In 1997, psychologist Arthur Aron published 36 questions designed to build closeness between two strangers. They work on yourself too. Answer six out loud to ChatGPT, then let it compare what you say you value with how you spent the last month.
I'm going to answer six questions about myself out loud. Please just listen while I answer. Don't comment or give advice yet. When I say I'm done, wait for my next instruction.
Now ask me five questions about how I spent the last month. Ask them one at a time and wait for my answer before you ask the next one. When I've answered all five, compare what I said I value with what I did. Use only what I've told you in this conversation. 1. Where's the gap between what I say I value and how I spent my time? 2. What do I want that I haven't admitted? 3. What am I already doing right? Be warm and direct. Quote my own words back to me where you can.
When I did this, I said I value adventure. Then ChatGPT looked at how I'd spent my month. That gap was the interesting part. The second list matters too: what you're already doing right. As a researcher, I've seen for years that what people say they do and what they do can be miles apart. This exercise puts both side by side, in your own words.
They are 36 questions that psychologist Arthur Aron and his colleagues published in 1997 to build closeness between two strangers. The questions come in three sets, and each set goes deeper than the one before. In the first study, the questions produced more closeness than the same time spent on small talk.
You can answer many of them on your own as a self-reflection exercise, though the 1997 study only tested pairs. Questions like what a perfect day looks like or what you feel most grateful for work solo. Some ask you to talk to a partner, so skip those. If something heavy comes up, talk it through with someone you trust.
Answer a few questions about what you value out loud in ChatGPT Voice, then ask it to question you about how you spent the last month. Tell it to compare the two using only what you said, to name the gap, and to say what you're already doing right. Ask it to quote your own words back to you.
Yes, Voice is available on ChatGPT's free tier, with its own usage limits. In the app, tap the Voice icon in the message bar. On chatgpt.com, click the Voice icon in the prompt window and allow microphone access if it asks. When you end a Voice conversation, ChatGPT adds a transcript of it to the chat.
The bonus gives you a prompt that turns your answers into a one-page note, a 30-day re-check that shows what moved, and the rest of Aron's questions grouped for a solo run.
Write up this conversation as a one-page note I can save and come back to. Use my own words where you can. What I said I value: The gap you found: What I want that I haven't admitted: What I'm already doing right: One small thing I'll try in the next 30 days: Keep it short enough to read in one minute.
Here's the note I saved 30 days ago: [Paste your one-page note] Ask me five questions about how I spent the last 30 days. Ask them one at a time and wait for my answer before you ask the next one. When I've answered all five: 1. Compare this month with the note. Where did the gap get smaller, and where did it stay the same? 2. Did I try the one small thing? If I didn't, ask me one question about what got in the way. 3. Name what I'm doing right this month that wasn't in last month's note. 4. Suggest one small thing to try in the next 30 days. Then update the note so I can save the new version.
Aron's questions come in three sets, and each set goes deeper than the one before. These are the ones you can answer on your own. The rest ask you to talk to a partner.
Set I
Set II
Set III
Pick two or three at a time and use the same gap prompt afterwards. Set III gets personal. Skip any question you don't want to answer today. If something heavy comes up, talk it through with someone you trust.
Prompts, step-by-step guides and checklists you can put to work today.